Ask Knightley: Relationship Advice

heart tree carving

A lot of you asked questions about relationships, which I suppose makes sense since it’s a large part of what Emma does.  I can also see why it might be helpful to have a guy’s point of view once in a while.  But please keep in mind that these opinions are just my own.  I don’t represent all men everywhere or the Emma Approved mission statement.  This is just one ordinary guy’s point of view.  Here goes.

Katie Dahl and @SawBleu asked how you can tell if a guy is into you. 

He tells you, plain and simple.

I have no clue why there are so many magazines that discuss how to interpret a guy’s every word, facial expression, and vocal inflection (no disrespect Emma, who I know has previously written about this topic). Flirtation and game playing are more about winning then actually connecting.  If a guy really likes you, he’ll tell you.  Even if he’s shy, it’s still up to him to work up the courage and put his feelings out there.  I don’t mean to sound unsympathetic – I know how hard it is to be vulnerable and risk rejection – but being honest is the only way to begin a lasting relationship.   If his feelings are strong enough, he will work up the guts to say something.

And that goes for women, too.  If you are asking this question because you like someone, and your feelings are strong enough, don’t waste time trying to figure out how he feels about you first.  Don’t look for signs or ask his friends, or check his Facebook status.  Just tell him how you feel.

@crimsonrambler asked:

“What do you do if you really like someone, but they don’t see you that way?”

Tell them (see above).

@SanditonSeaTea asked: 

“I just met a man, and I think he might be “the one.” But he lives 200 miles away. What should I do?” 

This is a complicated equation that includes several factors, including what you truly want to do, what you’re willing to do and what he’s willing to do.  I’m hardly an expert, but I would probably recommend a little caution.  If you just met I would suggest taking more time to get to know each other before altering your life in any major way.  I would also make sure that any efforts made on your part are equalled by his.  A relationship that starts with one person doing all the giving and the other all the taking has less of a chance of succeeding in the long run. At any given point in time, things may be unbalanced, but over time it should even out.

@curlycue and @Peril_in_Pink asked:

“What qualities do you look for in a woman?”

 I’ll tell you when I find her.

@Tegan_KJ asked: 

“Emma improves lives by helping them find romance. Do you HAVE to be in love to be happy and successful?”

I believe that’s a question everyone has to decide for themselves.  I think we all need love and companionship to varying degrees, and in a variety of ways.  I think we all need to try our best to be honest with ourselves about what we want and to be honest with each other in turn.  And I believe we all need to be open to the possibility of change – that what we use to want isn’t what we want anymore and vice versa.