Dating Advice: How He Asks and What It Means

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When someone asks you out it’s always flattering, but that doesn’t mean you should feel obligated to say yes!  And whether you were hoping for it, expecting it, or were completely surprised by it, you usually don’t have very much time to make a decision.  Along with all the usual factors, another thing to consider is how he asked you.  How a man chooses to ask you out says a lot about him and his feelings for you.  Here are a few tips on interpreting his actions and what they might mean.


The good

If he brings up going out like a suggestion and doesn’t make a big deal out of it, this can take a lot of the pressure off.  It means he’s simply interested and is the kind of person who would rather take action and see what might happen than wait and wonder.  He’s the kind of man who seizes the day and isn’t afraid to take no for an answer.  The casual ask also gives you the opportunity to be curious about the possibilities without having to be sure of the results.  You can test each other out, and then see if it grows into something more.

The bad

Sometimes the asking out is a little too casual.  In fact, if he uses general phrases like “hanging out” or “let’s grab a bite,” you might be confused about whether he’s asking you out at all. If a man does not use the term “date” then how are you supposed to guess his real intentions? The overly-casual ask can indicate he’s a bit insecure and can’t quite work up the courage to tell you what he wants.


The good

If he’s put a lot of thought into the way he asks you out on a date and actually made some sort of plan, it’s a good indication of how strong his feelings are.  It’s also evidence of the time and effort he’s willing to invest into winning you over.  If you already know that you have strong feelings for him, an elaborate ask can be reassuring.  Plus, it also lets you know he won’t take you for granted once you do get together.

The bad

What if you barely know this person?  Or don’t think of him romantically (yet)?  An elaborate setup can be a bit overwhelming.  It can put you in the position of worrying that you’ll hurt his feelings or lead him on because his emotions at this point are stronger than yours.  It can also indicate that he has created a fantasy about you – one that you should never feel obligated to live up to.  Once you’re in a relationship, huge romantic gestures are expected, but when you’re not even dating yet it can be a little much.


The good

Sometimes a man doesn’t ask you out face to face but instead leaves you a voicemail or sends a text or an email.  The only good thing about this method is that it gives you more time to think before answering, which can be productive, especially if you are trying to change old, destructive dating habits. It allows you the time to dig deeper and be sure of your answer.  Use it wisely.

The bad

The impersonal ask can mean a man is too nervous to ask you out in person.  Clearly he likes you a lot, but he obviously has some issues facing rejection head-on. Consider how this tendency to avoid unpleasant situations may affect any future you might have together.

It’s never easy telling someone no, but it’s far kinder than getting involved in a relationship that isn’t going to work.  That only hurts you both in the end.  Being sure of who you are and what you want is always Emma Approved, and never let anything or anyone get in the way of that.